Prepare for Surgery, Heal Faster/ Guided Visualization

This summer I decided to enroll in a certification program for the Prepare for Surgery, Heal Faster process. Peggy Huddleston wrote the book that I used during my surgery and found to be extremely helpful in speeding my healing, dealing with the intense anxiety I was experiencing and helping me overall with a more positive attitude.

Since being trained I have worked with dozens of clients using this process and have received feedback such as the following:

* “My sleep is much more sound.”
* “I am feeling so much less anxiety about my situation.”
* ” I am beginning to think this is magic because I feel so much better!”
* “The things that triggered me typically are not even causing a blip.”
* “I feel so much more in control.”
* “I feel so much more secure and less scared.”
* “My body is feeling less triggered and more calm.”
* “My stress level has shifted significantly and I am more peaceful.”
*Etc., etc.

The remarkable thing is this work is NOT JUST FOR PEOPLE GETTING READY FOR SURGERY! I have been working with clients who are dealing with worrisome thought patterns, anxieties, preparing for chemotherapy, healing from an illness, recovering from a traumatic event and going through divorce.

Please email me if you would like to experience this work. I can do it over the phone or in person. The process takes an initial session of 1 1/2 hours. You will then have a personalized guided visualization CD that I record for you. After you listen to this recording 2 times per day for 10 days we will then have another phone meeting for 30 minutes to access your results and determine the next best steps for you.

Interested? Email me: thargrave@beingupfront.com

by Peggy Huddleston

One Year Anniversary!

Dear Friends,

A year has now past since I was first diagnosed with breast cancer and I am thrilled to write that my life is full with abundant health, vibrant and engaging activity and incredible gratitude. I am cancer free and loving it.

Several of you have called with concern because I obviously have not kept up with this blog….the last two entries I wrote at the beginning of the year were a bit over the top (I knew it at the time but decided to push myself to be more revealing) and I felt I exposed myself beyond my own comfort level. I wasn’t prepared for the questions and concerns from many of you. The truth is, by the time I released them to all of you, I had resolved many of the issues I wrote about. The writing was healing in and of itself. This is my first blog and I am definitely learning as I go….so, I have no idea how long I will keep this blog going. It was initially conceived by my dear son, Timo and my brother in law, Rex, as a way for us to get news out about all that was happening. Now that the big storm has passed and life is resuming back to a wonderful, peaceful tempo, I would imagine I will feel inspired every now and then to post something more publicly to all of you.

There are some things I want you to know about TAJ (This Amazing Journey)…I am happier and more at peace than I have ever been. So many women who had been diagnosed with breast cancer reached out to me during this time and expressed how they would not wish this experience on anyone however they also would not want the experience taken from them. I didn’t get this at the time. In fact, in some cases, I thought it was just being said to help me “feel better”. Now, I realize that I have been given a gift that is allowing me to be less worried about the past or future and to be more in the moment and present with what is happening right now. I can honestly say I do “feel better” and this feeling is a deep resonance of peace. Sure it ebbs and flows but it mostly is simply peaceful.

My journey to this current state of mind has had many aspects. Certainly among them have been conversations and experiences with my family and close friends. I count myself incredibly fortunate to have a loving husband, Tony, joining me for every bit of the journey. As many of you who know us well know, Tony and I are forever processing and learning together. This last year has given us some delicious experiences to delve into. We are closer than ever as a result of this. My children, mother, sisters, their husbands and my nieces and nephews, cousins and in-laws have been vigilant and constant in their concern, compassion and support. Our new granddaughter has been a joy beyond joys.

Further, I count myself blessed when it comes to having good friends. Several of you reading this right now know you really “put out” for me. I have laughed at myself many times saying that I can never play the “nobody loves me” card ever, ever again.

In addition to many of you, a major teacher for me this year was Eckhart Tolle and his book A New Earth. This is an important piece of writing. I am now reading it for the second time and it is among a few books I have that I hope to read every year. I found Oprah’s web cast interviews with Eckhart very helpful in deepening my understanding and appreciation of this book. You can see these on Oprah.com. I have downloaded the audio to my ipod and listen to them regularly. Please, if there is one non-fiction book you read this year, make it this one.

A few other important gems that have come my way this year are: Anusara yoga (conceived by yogi John Friend…this is a beautiful flow, Hatha based yoga with a spiritual perspective I particularly like); the book The 28-Day Cleansing Program by Scott Ohlgren and Joann Tomasulo (this is pretty much the way I eat now and I am finding it helpful with keeping my joints feeling good, my weight under control and generally feeling perky); George Mateljan’s recipes I get daily on line (delicious and really healthy recipes): and finally, my Tibetan singing bowls (any time I am feeling a bit scattered, I take a moment to allow the sounds of the bowl to gently sooth me.)

I would be remiss if I did not acknowledge my doctors – Dr. Robert Allen and Dr. Joshua Levine – who performed the diep flap surgery that gave me my beautiful new reconstructed breast. This surgery is not well-known. Please, if you know someone going through breast cancer and having a mastectomy, tell them to explore this reconstruction option with a specialized diep flap surgeon. Discussing it with a physician who primarily does implants is not enough (from my own experience – I was told I was not a candidate….but au contraire!) You can always refer your breast cancer friends to me. I will be happy to share my experience….they can see and feel for themselves (Tony says if he had only charged admission he would be much wealthier now.)

In closing, I am curious about the things you are learning about and finding valuable. Please respond either on this blog or to my email thargrave@beingupfront.com telling me what you are focused on that is interesting to you and teaching you new things.

Lovingly,

Teresa

P.S. My good friend and personal wellness advisor, Nance Petit, is doing a women’s retreat called Vibrant Living, in NC the weekend of October 30-November 2. I will be there, along with several friends and my sister, Deb. There are a few open spaces so if you have interest, email me!

Perfect Storm

Just moments ago a magnificent, powerful and scary storm swept through our neighborhood. The power is out and it is early morning. I just lit several candles to make my way around our apartment. Awakening to this I realize just how unequipped I am with no radio or identified safe space to crawl into if this were a tornado. Tony left early to go workout so I am alone. I could not see anything out our windows except the horizontal rain and the bushes blowing. Now the storm has passed and I can see the midtown skyline again and it appears peaceful.

 

Atlanta desperately needs the rain as these storms are essential to filling the lakes north of town which provide all the water for this region. Just like Atlanta, my reserves are low and I too need the hard rain.

 

I believe I have been going through a storm. The winds have been howling, the lightening cracking, and torrents of rain pouring around and through me…and in the end I believe it will fill my reservoirs just like those in Atlanta. But the process of going through the storm has been scary. At times I have felt so unprepared. The path has been wickedly unclear and each step has been a step of faith. I thought I was thoroughly through the storm and then the skies turn dark again.

 

But as I sit here in the candlelit space of our Atlanta home, I am thinking that life has always presented storms for me to weather and I have always come through them and even some I have come through triumphantly. This is simply life. Everyone has storms. So, what are these storms? Why are they important?

 

To me it seems like these are times when my soul needs a wake up. When I have been coasting along, making some progress on my little boat and then the wind rocks the boat and me in it, sweeps us up and eventually takes me a little further down the river or to a different river altogether.

 

I am still in the wind being pushed around and tussled so it is hard for me to determine from this point where I am going to land and what this journey has to teach me. What is helping me is the knowledge I have gained from past experience that the lessons will come and I will eventually arrive in a place of peace.

 

Preparedness for storms seems particularly relevant this morning as I haven’t a clue where the flashlight is located and am lucky to have found a match that when lit led me to some candles. For the current life storm I am in, what are some ways I prepared myself and in what ways do I wish I were more prepared?

 

One of the most helpful aspects of this particular journey has been the support from Tony, my sisters and Mother, my children and other family members and my friends. This community has been essential to my well being. I really cannot imagine, nor do I wish to, what going through something like this alone would be like. I am thinking back on the many tearful times being held by one of these wonderful people. And, angels continue to show up just like the other day when I did a yoga class. At the end of class I started to cry, for no particular reason that I could identify (fortunately everyone had left the room except for the instructor.) It felt like my body needed to weep so I simply allowed it. The yoga teacher calmly came over to me and placed her hand on my shoulder and sat with me a few minutes.

 

So how do I take responsibility for this kind of social preparedness? I believe one of the most important parts of my life has been investing in those I love. To love on those close to me has always been a delicious and rewarding aspect of my life. Community building and cultivating my “tribe” is something I tend to and think about consciously. I remember reading a study years ago about how a diverse community of family, friends and life roles help individuals to stay healthy. This makes sense to me. Certainly investing in these relationships was not like “preparing for a rainy day” but more following my innate joy for being with these people. Now, as I have experienced such loving support, I am more grateful than ever for having a community I can completely rely on.

 

I know that being physically fit helped me enormously along the way. What a celebration for me to be able to take a hike just a few days after my surgery! My walks are certainly an important aspect of my daily routine. Getting sunshine and the vitamin D is one thing, but also the sense of being in nature, clearing my head and feeling the blood pumping is so important to my mood and my thinking. I can be in a kind of gloomy state of mind and by taking a walk I transform myself. In addition, eating healthy foods throughout my adulthood has been important to me and while I still did not have the ideal diet for going through TAJ, the years of focus on health made these adjustments to my TAJ diet much easier.

 

Wow…maybe I am more prepared than I thought for this storm….oh, but I know there is more to this.

 

Mentally I was overwhelmed by all the whirlwind of new information, research that needed to be done and essential decision making. The first thing I did was prepare a notebook where all my information, note taking, contacts, insurance claims, etc. was kept. This notebook was never far from me and kept my head together. Ordinarily I can be a bit disorganized…this is hard for me to admit. I don’t like this about myself but it is true. I deal in piles and always have. My office has rarely been freed of piles of paper. I have always marveled at Tony’s perfectly cleaned off desk. By necessity we have put my desk “away from view” while Tony could have his in the middle of our living space. This being said, if I had relied on my old behavior and had all my medical stuff here and there I am sure I would have had to have been locked up. I would have drowned in the paperwork, no doubt. The Taj notebook was essential to being sane on this journey.

 

The main mental preparedness that really helps me is my belief that I am strong and that I can and will find the positive lessons out of any negative situation. This is of constant support for me. I am comforted by this every day. My Mother is a major teacher of this philosophy so it has been a big part of my upbringing. I have seen her belief in positive outcomes carry her through some very dark times…perhaps some of the darkest – my Father’s suicide, the suicide of her best friend, the deaths of her father, mother and brother and the recent deaths of her sister-n-law and her husband, both whom she loved dearly, not to mention her own breast cancer and certainly mine. She has lived, and actually thrived, through some devastating times. She has demonstrated for me that life goes on and can actually be even better than before…in time. Her approach to life has been an ongoing testament to my philosophy and belief in positive outcomes.

 

Reflecting on spiritual preparedness is important, I know. There were often times in this Taj when I could not feel relaxed or calm; I could not drop into meditation or prayer easily or at times, at all. This is probably the area where I felt the least prepared. I know prayer works for me. I have used visualization, mediation and prayer to heal myself in the past. For years I was plagued with serious asthma and through meditation and visualization I was able to dramatically heal my condition and have been free of it for the last 20years. I believe in tapping into universal wisdom and strength through being quiet and allowing the busy mind to relax. I have meditated, although not regularly, since I was 19. It was then that I began studying yoga, although I have never been an ardent student. Tony and I have used prayer in our relationship to help us through difficult times. I am not religious and have no particular dogma to my spirituality but I believe in a greater power and our ability to request help. So why was this so hard to do when I was really stranded in the storm?

 

Well, it was a particularly hard storm…I hear from inside myself. And, although I did not find comfort regularly or consistently through prayer and meditation during the toughest times, there were some profound moments sprinkled in that really helped. Perhaps one of the most helpful times was the weekend before my surgery. I was really wound tight at this point. My friend Joanie helped me by arranging for me to use her sound studio to make my hypnotherapy tapes I wanted to listen to during surgery. For several hours I sat in her studio wearing a terrific set of headphones blocking out ambient noise while listening to my own voice being recorded over gorgeous Buddhist chanting and music. I recited prayers in the beginning of the recording and proceeded with some hypnotherapy and finally healing affirmations. For the first time in 7 weeks, I experienced a profound sense of peace. This peace lasted for several weeks and even writing this I can tell my breathing has slowed and I can sense the comfort I experienced before.

 

Even though I know meditation and prayer are important and have experienced its power, I have yet to come up with a regular practice. Now this feels really important to remedy. Just like making sure the batteries are charged and the flashlights are working and easily reachable in the dark (I will definitely take care of this ) I feel a regular practice of going within is critical to finding peace in a storm.

 

Just the other day I said to Tony that I was noticing myself going “distant”, having a hard time interacting with others or even wanting to talk. Over the last few weeks I have been most comforted by going to yoga classes where there is a stillness and internal focus. It finally dawned on me this week that I am in need of a silent retreat. I need some time to not interact, to be still, and to hibernate as my friend, JoAnne, reminded me.

 

Several years ago I did a couple of silent retreats – one (3 days) at Kripalu and the other (5 days) at Esalen. Both hold a profound memory for me. The one at Kripalu I did several days before Christmas back in the early 90’s. I remember feeling particularly indulgent since normally during this time I would be wild with shopping and wrapping, entertaining and being out with others. These 3 days were magical for me and I went into the holidays with an entirely different energy – much more relaxed and appreciative. The other one, at Esalen, I did when I turned 40. This retreat was focused on my decision to have children of my own or not. I dedicated the time to focus on this decision and to process feelings that were coming up for me about it. This was a much harder retreat, with many tears. I painted while I was there and found this expression particularly helpful in clearing my thoughts and figuring out my destiny as it related to pregnancy. It was during this retreat that I realized that I would birth other creations, not babies. This was a difficult decision for me and being in the retreat environment helped me to hear the clarity of my inner wisdom. Although I have wondered many times if this was the right decision, I continue to believe I made a thoughtful decision that is not without doubt but has served me well. Major decisions can be like that…I think.

 

It seems right to do another retreat and have this one focused on setting a path for developing a regular practice of mediation and prayer. I also want this retreat to have yoga, as this is what my body seems to be craving right now. And, of course, it must have really good organic food.

 

How interesting…my good friend, Stephanie just called. Stephanie has a regular practice of meditation. She just shared with me how if she had not had this practice to draw from, her recent experience going through the break up of her marriage would have been so much more difficult. Her regular morning practice allowed her to quiet her wild mind and get to a profound sense of peace. I want that.

 

In my search for finding the right retreat this time around I am open to hearing any suggestions. So, if you have one for me to look into, please let me know. Kripalu is on the list again and certainly, Esalen too, but I would love to go someplace new.

 

Also, if you have not considered joining Oprah’s webinar book group studying Eckhart Tolle’s new book A New Earth, look into it. I have just started reading it and I can tell already that it is important to my current journey.

 

I am stopping here and going to listen to my new favorite song by our friend, David Wilcox. Humm…funny, the title is Perfect Storm and it is on his new album, Airstream. You can listen to it by going to http://davidwilcox.com

 

And then I will meditate.

Sitting With An Empty Bowl

It’s Monday, Feb 18^th and Tony and I just got back from Boulder.  I have been experiencing a gnawing ache inside of me and it seems to be attempting to get a message to my head.  Since my diagnosis, surgeries and the holidays, I have felt a surge to do something that is meaningful, powerful and purposeful.  This call has been haunting me because I have not been doing a whole lot if anything that I would say falls into this category.  Pilates, a little tennis, cooking and traveling to see family just doesn’t seem to provide the fulfillment that my heart is seeking. 

 
So what is up with this?   I can tell you this is a familiar feeling and I am guessing it is something that others have experienced too.  In fact, my conversations over the last few months with several family members and friends have revealed that I am not the only one struggling with this quest for fulfillment.    Countless folks have expressed to me the pain they feel about not living a life that is buzzing with contribution and meaning. 

 
I think if you observed my life before my Taj you would say that you were seeing someone who was “juicin”, an expression Tony and I have come up with that means squeezing every ounce of joy and meaning from every moment.   Before the end of July, 2007, the time of my diagnosis, I had several coaching/training clients, some corporate and a few more life focused and two wonderful not-for-profits – one that focused on providing a safe haven and counseling for women and children who were victims of domestic violence and the other a school for international children who were mainly from  third world countries and families struggling to find a way in this new world.  The work felt good and I believe I was providing meaning to my clients.   The coaching seemed to flow for me.  Flow for me means that my head did not have to struggle to figure things out, but more my heart could steer and my head could follow.  It was a gentle process for me and did not create anxiety or stress.  I mainly coached from my armchair at home, a lovely advantage of coaching over the phone.   On occasion I would have to go to a client in Atlanta, CT or New York to do some work on site – either presenting a course or doing face to face coaching.  I would come away from this on-site work feeling a bit more fulfilled, as if by “going to work” I was accomplishing more, doing more, that mattered. 

 
When I wasn’t coaching or training I was tending to my life or our life (Tony’s and mine).   I would usually find time to exercise.   Tony and I (or Susan Monserud) would hike the trails in NW CT, or ,when in Atlanta, the streets of Midtown.  Then there was always good tennis with friends.  My tennis has never been “exercise” for me but much more a social outlet, a way to connect and have fun with friends.  There would always be special time with my non-tennis friends either over tea, lunch or dinner.   And of course, the daily chores of keeping our houses running…straightening, shopping and preparing food (although before TAJ we rarely ate dinner at home unless we were entertaining friends) and paying bills, etc.   In the moments in between, I would call my Mom or my sisters to connect.  This connection happened several times a week as I rarely go long without wanting to know how they are, feel them close or share something that is going on with me. 

 
I believe I could say that my life felt balanced and fruitful.  The work was, no doubt, aligned with my personal mission.  The financial reward of this work felt appropriate and rewarding and to think I could do it in such a relaxed manner was amazing to me, really.   However, even though it had all these positive elements, there was a gnawing inside saying there was more that needed to come forth.  I felt achy and itchy to be more or do more. 

 
In my quest to understand this I pondered if I had enough stress, productive stress in my life.    Were things too easy for me?  Another thought was that perhaps I wasn’t tapping in enough to my desire to be with groups of people.   I have known I loved being in front of an audience ever since my first speech class in high school with Mrs. Pridemore.   And my love of deep conversation and group process was discovered in my youth group at St. Paul’s Church.  Since then I have had a drive to be a “groupie” and have found a multitude of ways to do this – either through work with Scott Peck or through gathering my women friends or my family together for good processing and sharing, or my professional work that provided an outlet for me to be in rich dialogue with groups or in front leading/facilitating them.   

 
Fortunately, throughout my professional life my desire to be with groups or in front of audiences has been nourished.   Unfortunately, one of the outcomes of this work was physical exhaustion.  The exhaustion was frequently due to travel.  I have had two prolonged periods in my professional life when I got on an airplane at least twice a week to travel to see clients.  The most extensive of these was my work with Franklin Covey where I traveled domestically and internationally for over ten years.  Plus, my schedule did not allow for being tired.  The mornings often started at 4 am which was dreadful because I can honestly admit I am not a morning person.  This was further exacerbated by the fact that I would often experience intense nervousness or excitement prior to a big speech or workshop and would not be able to sleep.   I would be able to perform well because of the adrenaline rush however afterwards I would feel beaten and spent.   Just writing this I can feel the stress in my body.   The major reason I stopped working with Franklin Covey was because my body just kept telling me I could not do it and be healthy.   Almost without fail, my sinuses would revolt on every plane trip and no cold or flu would fly by me without slapping me hard first. 

 
Leaving Franklin Covey was difficult in many ways.  Primarily leading these courses and giving keynotes based on Covey’s principles gave me a powerful feeling of “making a difference”.   I would receive overwhelming feedback from participants saying I had “changed their lives”.  This feedback was not random but regular.  I knew without a doubt that I was positively impacting droves of people and this felt very, very good.  In addition, my ego loved the feedback and the association with such a good company where I had worked my way into a senior level position.   Further, I had big audiences every week and my love of presenting, performing and connecting was fed big time. 

 
In reflecting on all of this I see myself in one of two camps.  As in Franklin Covey, my life was definitely full of meaning and a sense of contributing but I knew it was not healthy physically.  And then, by focusing myself more at home and with coaching, I felt tremendous balance, definitely a sense of fulfillment but missing the intense connection of being with groups of people week in week out.

 
When TAJ came in like a blizzard in the middle of summer, I immediately froze all my work, stopped doing anything but TAJ and, in reflecting back,  it definitely took every ounce of my focus and emotional and physically presence to deal with all its complexities.  It has only been about six weeks now since I have not felt pressured to focus entirely on my health and the activities surrounding it.  So now I feel as if I am sitting in front of an empty bowl.  I feel open to make new choices and yet I have tremendous anxiety about not doing….the allure is to “fill my bowl” quickly so that I do not have to feel this anxiousness.    I could easily jump back into coaching clients, doing some training here and there and wow, before I know it, I am filled to the brim with activity… but not deep satisfaction.   I am at a crossroad and I want the decisions I make to lead to an experience of authentic “juicin!”   

Our New Year’s Process

Tony and I want to share with you a process that our entire family (10 of us including a 9 year old) experienced while up at Big Canoe for a week after Christmas.  Every year on the 31^st we get busy.  Usually Tony and one or two others, (this year my brother-in-law, Ian, and my sister, Deb) are busy making plans for the family’s “New Year Process”.   It might sound dreadful to some of you (and even to some of our own clan but they have gotten use to it) but for most of our family, it is an essential part of our time together and key to preparing ourselves for the year ahead.

 In planning the process this year, Tony, Deb and Ian drew primarily on two resources.  One was the coaching work of some colleagues of ours, Jennifer Joyce and Patty Beach.  Jennifer and Patty provided some great questions they use with their clients through their True North Program (www.truenorthprograms.com).  Secondly, my Mother had given Tony for Christmas a compelling little book called The Five Wishes by Gay Hendricks.  This little gem of a book stirred us. 

 In years past we have written down things we want to let go of and burned them in the fire…we have shared our “mission for the year” statements and offered group prayer for all to receive the support they need, and even paired up to coach each other throughout the year, etc.  This year I will share below the exact process we did and hope you will find it as meaningful as we are still experiencing it to be.   

 We took several hours over the 31^st and the 1^st to complete this.  It might be a good process to use as a personal retreat or family process.  Our friends, Marita and Faith, are going to Maui for a much needed rest/work time and they plan to do it while they are there.  However you do it, don’t rush it.  Be willing to give it the time it needs to “percolate the rich yearnings of your soul”.

 Here is what we did:

 Step One:  Make a list of your 2007 accomplishments.  Go for it…try for at least 25 things.  Mine included things like “taking excellent care of my body by eliminating sugar, gluten, alcohol and red meat” and “holding myself and my world in tact while I went through 4 months of cancer challenges” as well as less lofty things like “completed CT living room decorations”.  Sure, it made me think of a lot of things I did not accomplish…like finishing (heck, just starting would be good) the new translation of War and Peace…but this is not the purpose of this process.  So, for now, just push those thoughts aside.

 Step Two:  Ask yourself: “What values are reflected in this list?”  As you read your list over, what would you say the list tells you about your values?  For example – my value of “healthy living” is reflected in the first accomplishment I mentioned above.  “Staying grounded and resourced” might be a value for holding my self and my world in tact…As I looked over my list my value for my family was overwhelmingly clear. 

 Step Three:  Make a list of things that drain you of energy.  “Too much junk in my house” is something my sister Barb put on her list.  Just so you know, since she has been home, she has spent at least 20 hours clearing things out of every nook and cranny.  She reports feeling so much more peaceful, calmer and on top of things. 

 Step Four:  Make a list of what gives you energy.  My brother-in-law, Ian, wrote down “doing a triathlon”, “being with his family” and “doing good work.”  Tony says “talking through dreams” is a major energy source for him.  For me, give me a good conversation or a hike (preferably combined), and I have power surges, baby.

 Step Five:  List out the people who matter most to you and what you most appreciate about them.  I could have written forever on this topic alone.  I loved thinking about each person and listing all the things that came to mind that I love about them.  One that I will share with you is about my Mother.  In 2007 my Mother grieved the loss of my step-father and my dear aunt plus having my sister, Deb, and me go through major health issues.  Throughout this she held herself centered, strong and spiritually together.  My respect for her is immense. 

 Step Six:  List the biggest lessons you learned in 2007.  After doing the previous 5 steps, this becomes clearer to answer.  The first thing I wrote down was:  “Life is fragile and under very difficult circumstances I can tap into enormous strength – my own and that of others.”

 We got this far on the first day, the 31^st, and started up with the next steps on New Year’s Day.  The above 5 steps probably took the 10 of us a couple of hours.  After each step we shared bits and pieces of our lists with one another. 

 Here’s the rest of the process…and I think it is the juiciest!  For a more in depth version, read The 5 Wishes.  Please note:  the 9 year old did not participate in this final part …although I think we could have adapted it for him, Legos won out.

 Step Seven:  Imagine you are on your deathbed.  How would you answer this question:  “Was your life a complete success?”  If you say “yes” then start the celebration…if you say “no”…then fill in the blank:  “My life is not a complete success because _______.”  List whatever needs to go into this sentence until you are certain you are complete.  FYI…I did not answer “yes” nor did Tony or any of my other family members.  And, if any of you answer “yes”, we want to interview you (no kidding.)

 Step Eight:  Ask yourself and write down the answer “Why are these things important to me?”  Finishing the book Tony and I have been writing for years is among the 6 things that are on my list.  One of the reasons this is so important to me is I want an accurate record of my loving relationship in order to leave a legacy and to serve as a learning experience for others.

 Step Nine:  Write out each one as if you have already completed it successfully. For example:  “I have completed writing and publishing our relationship book and am experiencing a great level of personal satisfaction.”

 Step Ten:  Ask yourself if you are ready now to completely commit your heart and soul to these things.  Tony and I are in deep discussions now regarding what the actions are to live these things and be deeply committed. 

 That’s it….although I believe a Step Eleven is necessary so I am adding the following:

 Step Eleven:  Include the list of successful statements in your daily meditation/prayer sessions…

 
“Get Juicin” on your path in 2008…we are! Much love, Teresa

 

Tweaking” in the New Year

Happy Belated New Year to all of you.  Although you have not heard from us, we have been busy.  In another post I will share with you the meaningful New Year’s process my family shared together.  It is definitely formulating our actions in this year and serving as a guidepost for our decisions.  The power of this process is evident in each one of my family members’ activities this year.  We all have been inspired by it.  So, please read the next entry and enjoy. 

 This past week Tony and I went to NYC for my final surgery.  On Wednesday we showed up early at the New York University Hospital to meet Dr. Robert Allen for him to “refine, tweak and add some dimension (i.e. nipple)” to my already beautifully reconstructed breast.  I have to admit, I had some nerves running that morning and felt a bit squeamish about the whole thing.  Tony was right there being supportive and comforting as he has been through this entire journey.   To my surprise and delight it was absolutely no big deal.  In fact, immediately afterwards I felt so good that I wanted to walk a mile or so in the brisk air to get a bite to eat.  Following that we went to a movie.  Who would have guessed?!

 All this to say….I am officially closing this chapter of the journey…it is “tweaked”, complete and thoroughly finished.  So mode it be. 

 Off to pilates!  Love, Teresa

Awakening for the Holidays and beyond

Its the day before Christmas eve and Teresa and I are spending the day cooking and wraping gifts! What a wonderful pleasure it is to be home, family in town, snow on the ground and perspective on an incredible year. Amazing travel, wonderful friends, financial abundance, and health. It is now clear to me/us, how important health is in the equation of life. We take it for granted, it is pulled away, and everything changes. We feel more whole now for sure. Teresa and I visited the 3rd of our Oncologists in the quest for the final/definitive decree on her treatment. We were one of the lucky ones, we caught the cancer early enough that 5yrs of hormone therapy will suffice. Teresa is vibrant, beautiful, and we are both so thankful for this journey and this outcome.

Our friend Bill Spear had given us and article from the December issue of The Sun Journal. I awoke early on Saturday morning to read it. Adyashanti, is a Zen teacher from Los Gatos Ca. the article is called “Waking from the dream of me”. In it he askes many important questions, like; What is looking through your eyes right now, and what does awakening mean for you, and what is it that you truely want? As we lay in bed later that Saturday morning, reflecting on our year, I asked Teresa what was looking through her eyes? God is peering through them right now, and I see the God in each person that I look upon, she replied.

Teresa and I had an amazing awakening this past 5 months. We just stopped for a moment in our lives, we let our guard down, we were so vulnerable, and we were forever transformed. We feel more love, more peace, more gratitude, more perspective and most importantly more connected to each other, each of you and God. Adyashanti says that awakening is an event, but enlightenment is a process. We are committed to sustaining our learnings, our feelings.

For me, I have a newly bulging compassion gene, coupled with an emerging decorating gene, today add in a cup of cooking gene. Wow, this medicine is amazing. Bottom-line, I am happy, in love and thankful for all that is, now! Peace to you and your family in this great season of life. Thank you for all of your support and friendship this year. May the wholeness of life move through you now and beyond.

Tony

Chemo Test Information

As I wrote earlier, I have been given the word that I can forgo the difficult chemo treatments that so many others with cancer have to endure.  If you are interested, read this article which describes the test I had called an oncotype: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22248036/from/ET/.  This test provided my oncologist with information regarding the likelihood of the cancer reoccurring.  Luckily the reoccurrence rate for me is low and chemo would not make this any lower. 

 Thank goodness for tests like these.  If you know women who are going through similar situations, please forward this information to them.

Walking Through Difficult Times

 Today I walked with a friend I have known for many years, Chris.  Chris buried her son the very same day my step-father died and I had my first of four breast biopsies.  I do believe loosing a child is certainly one of, if not the most, difficult thing a person can endure.   Over the miles I kept thinking how much I respect Chris’s approach to this dreadful experience and how well she is managing herself.  I want to share with you what I believe she is doing to help her cope.  Perhaps each one of us might find Chris’s wisdom useful….its already been a gift to me.

 What I learned from Chris about coping and difficult times: 

1.  Cry when you feel the tears.  I noticed how easily Chris and I both cried as we talked this morning.  The tears felt so real and soothing and were often accompanied by small laughter.  Chris said her tears are always right there and she consciously invites them to flow every day…sometimes several times a day.  I know this is important and over the last 3 months I promised myself if I felt like crying, I would go for it…regardless of who was there or how inconvenient.   Inevitably the tears helped me.  I felt calmer and more relaxed after they passed.  Tears are good things and have a way of opening our hearts and loosening our tight grip on our interpretation of reality thus allowing our mind to see new perspectives.
2. Keep a sense of humor.  Chris has always had a wonderful sense of humor and she has given herself permission to keep it close throughout this ordeal.  I love this.  We actually laughed a lot today…not full blown belly laughs but lots of funny giggles.  Laughter is just the other side of the coin from tears and helps lighten the load enormously.  There is always something (or someone) to find humorous…be it a stupid hospital gown that insists on mooning unexpected visitors or hilarious moment when people are trying so hard not to glance at your breast but just have to do it… Laughing is just such good medicine. 
3. Keep your mind as clear as possible.  Over the last 25 years, Chris and I have rarely been together when wine was not involved (OK – Pilates class, maybe, but not many other times).  We both love good wine (not to mention the wild dancing that often is encouraged through its juices.)  Over the last few months while going through this experience, Chris has limited her alcohol intake.  “It’s just such a depressant” she exclaimed “and who needs that during times like this?”  I couldn’t agree more.  From the very moment I was diagnosed, I stopped drinking – not for the same reasons as Chris but because I had read it was very acidic and cancer loves acid environments.   I am now aware of how helpful this has been for my moods too.  Coping with deaths, cancer, etc. is hard enough.  Why make it harder by messing with our mind’s ability to be rational and clear?
4. Stay in touch with friends.  I loved hearing all the stories Chris shared this morning about getting together with her son’s good friends and the meaning and comfort that has given Chris and her husband.  She also told of countless good friends who have reached out to her and made this journey easier.  We both laughed that neither us, ever again, can ever have a “pity party” for not feeling loved.   We were each watching our time today because we were both having lunch with friends….the most nourishing kind of lunch there can be…
5. Lean into your spiritual faith.  Chris mentioned how important her temple has been to her and she and her husband are planning an evening with a group of friends to learn from a Jewish scholar.  Her eyes showed me the depth of her appreciation for her faith.  As I think about this for me, one of the things I found helpful was creating a personal altar.  On this altar I have placed my most precious of items – pictures of my family and friends, my favorite spiritual books, prayer beads and candles, the cast of my “previous owned” breast, and other important personal treasures.  This is my centering place, a place to pray and meditate.  Just glancing at it has given me a reprieve from my human thoughts.  I am certain prayer has been central to my recovery and I am certain that Chris’s faith has given her refuge like nothing else could.
6. Give even when your well is dry.  Chris is already planning a big event to raise money for a foundation they have set up to honor the life of their son.  I could see how much positive energy this was generating in Chris’s being just to discuss it and dream of it.  In addition, Chris and her husband have invited a young woman and her newborn to live with them until the young woman’s husband is able to provide for them.  I know this kind of giving and “feeling useful”, as my friend Tom so aptly describes it, does so much good while at the same time fills our personal well. I have been the grateful recipient of such kindness from many cancer patients who have reached out to me even when life is dishing up some very harsh medicines.    
7. When all else fails (or even when it isn’t), take a walk.  When our walk was almost over today, Chris said “One thing for sure, this walk has certainly felt good.”  What is it about a simple walk that makes smiling a little easier, nerves a bit calmer and difficult things easier to tackle?  Perhaps getting our blood moving and helping the toxins to get out of our systems….or getting our vitamin D from the sun….or experiencing the beauty of life in growing things or funny dogs.  I really think it is probably all of these things and more.  I have found the biggest bonus, however, comes when I am walking with Tony or a good friend, sharing our lives and, for a brief period of time, life just seems to make sense.

 

Thank you, Chris. 

An Early Christmas Present!

Some presents come wrapped in fancy paper and in small expensive boxes (I love these, don’t you?) but I believe I got the best gift of all….my oncologist saying all my tests are favorable and there is no way I need chemo!!!!!  She just wants to put me on a little daily pill (tamoxifen) and see me every three months (I guess I was entertaining…or more likely, she liked Tony).  That’s it!!!  We immediately went out to celebrate with our friends, Arthur and Jennifer, and I even treated myself to a sip or two of Prosecco.

 Life is just so yummy – let’s be gluttonous!