Tony and I want to share with you a process that our entire family (10 of us including a 9 year old) experienced while up at Big Canoe for a week after Christmas. Every year on the 31st we get busy. Usually Tony and one or two others, (this year my brother-in-law, Ian, and my sister, Deb) are busy making plans for the family’s “New Year Process”. It might sound dreadful to some of you (and even to some of our own clan but they have gotten use to it) but for most of our family, it is an essential part of our time together and key to preparing ourselves for the year ahead.
In planning the process this year, Tony, Deb and Ian drew primarily on two resources. One was the coaching work of some colleagues of ours, Jennifer Joyce and Patty Beach. Jennifer and Patty provided some great questions they use with their clients through their True North Program (www.truenorthprograms.com). Secondly, my Mother had given Tony for Christmas a compelling little book called The Five Wishes by Gay Hendricks. This little gem of a book stirred us.
In years past we have written down things we want to let go of and burned them in the fire…we have shared our “mission for the year” statements and offered group prayer for all to receive the support they need, and even paired up to coach each other throughout the year, etc. This year I will share below the exact process we did and hope you will find it as meaningful as we are still experiencing it to be.
We took several hours over the 31st and the 1st to complete this. It might be a good process to use as a personal retreat or family process. Our friends, Marita and Faith, are going to Maui for a much needed rest/work time and they plan to do it while they are there. However you do it, don’t rush it. Be willing to give it the time it needs to “percolate the rich yearnings of your soul”.
Here is what we did:
Step One: Make a list of your 2007 accomplishments. Go for it…try for at least 25 things. Mine included things like “taking excellent care of my body by eliminating sugar, gluten, alcohol and red meat” and “holding myself and my world in tact while I went through 4 months of cancer challenges” as well as less lofty things like “completed CT living room decorations”. Sure, it made me think of a lot of things I did not accomplish…like finishing (heck, just starting would be good) the new translation of War and Peace…but this is not the purpose of this process. So, for now, just push those thoughts aside.
Step Two: Ask yourself: “What values are reflected in this list?” As you read your list over, what would you say the list tells you about your values? For example – my value of “healthy living” is reflected in the first accomplishment I mentioned above. “Staying grounded and resourced” might be a value for holding my self and my world in tact…As I looked over my list my value for my family was overwhelmingly clear.
Step Three: Make a list of things that drain you of energy. “Too much junk in my house” is something my sister Barb put on her list. Just so you know, since she has been home, she has spent at least 20 hours clearing things out of every nook and cranny. She reports feeling so much more peaceful, calmer and on top of things.
Step Four: Make a list of what gives you energy. My brother-in-law, Ian, wrote down “doing a triathlon”, “being with his family” and “doing good work.” Tony says “talking through dreams” is a major energy source for him. For me, give me a good conversation or a hike (preferably combined), and I have power surges, baby.
Step Five: List out the people who matter most to you and what you most appreciate about them. I could have written forever on this topic alone. I loved thinking about each person and listing all the things that came to mind that I love about them. One that I will share with you is about my Mother. In 2007 my Mother grieved the loss of my step-father and my dear aunt plus having my sister, Deb, and me go through major health issues. Throughout this she held herself centered, strong and spiritually together. My respect for her is immense.
Step Six: List the biggest lessons you learned in 2007. After doing the previous 5 steps, this becomes clearer to answer. The first thing I wrote down was: “Life is fragile and under very difficult circumstances I can tap into enormous strength – my own and that of others.”
We got this far on the first day, the 31st, and started up with the next steps on New Year’s Day. The above 5 steps probably took the 10 of us a couple of hours. After each step we shared bits and pieces of our lists with one another.
Here’s the rest of the process…and I think it is the juiciest! For a more in depth version, read The 5 Wishes. Please note: the 9 year old did not participate in this final part …although I think we could have adapted it for him, Legos won out.
Step Seven: Imagine you are on your deathbed. How would you answer this question: “Was your life a complete success?” If you say “yes” then start the celebration…if you say “no”…then fill in the blank: “My life is not a complete success because _______.” List whatever needs to go into this sentence until you are certain you are complete. FYI…I did not answer “yes” nor did Tony or any of my other family members. And, if any of you answer “yes”, we want to interview you (no kidding.)
Step Eight: Ask yourself and write down the answer “Why are these things important to me?” Finishing the book Tony and I have been writing for years is among the 6 things that are on my list. One of the reasons this is so important to me is I want an accurate record of my loving relationship in order to leave a legacy and to serve as a learning experience for others.
Step Nine: Write out each one as if you have already completed it successfully. For example: “I have completed writing and publishing our relationship book and am experiencing a great level of personal satisfaction.”
Step Ten: Ask yourself if you are ready now to completely commit your heart and soul to these things. Tony and I are in deep discussions now regarding what the actions are to live these things and be deeply committed.
That’s it….although I believe a Step Eleven is necessary so I am adding the following:
Step Eleven: Include the list of successful statements in your daily meditation/prayer sessions…
“Get Juicin” on your path in 2008…we are! Much love, Teresa
Filed under: 1
